What to expect at your first hearing

The reality of the calendar

A motion session may have dozens of cases on the list. Your hearing may last five to fifteen minutes. The judge has likely read the motion, the opposition, and the financial statement — and very little else. Everything you want considered has to already be on paper.

Before the date

Preparation is almost entirely paperwork and logistics.

• Confirm the date, time, courtroom, and whether it is in person or virtual.
• File and serve everything on time; late filings are frequently not read.
• Bring three copies of every document: judge, other side, you.
• Bring your financial statement, completed and signed, if money is at issue.
• Arrive early enough to clear security and find the session.

In the room

Stand when you speak. Address the judge as 'Your Honor.' Speak to the judge, never to the other party. Do not interrupt — not the judge, not opposing counsel, not your ex, no matter what is said about you. Judges make credibility judgments in the first ninety seconds and rarely revisit them.

If you are asked a question you do not know the answer to, say so. If you need a document you did not bring, say so and ask to supplement. Guessing on the record follows you.

The mistakes that cost parents time

• Telling the whole history instead of answering the motion in front of the judge.
• Emotional escalation — sighing, eye-rolling, arguing back.
• Bringing the child, or bringing new partners, without a reason.
• Agreeing to something in the hallway that you do not understand. Ask for time.
• Leaving without knowing what was ordered. Ask the clerk how to get the order.

Afterward

Write down what happened the same day, while it is fresh. Get the order. If the hearing mattered, order the audio. Then follow the order exactly, even the parts you think are wrong — compliance is leverage and non-compliance is the easiest thing in the world to use against you.